Big $$$? Really?

Caught some of the Tony Snow interview on The Daily Show last night. I don't wanna jump all over Tony here; obviously anyone jumping aboard the USS Bullshit when he did is crazy or retarded, so I hafta cut some slack here. But what fascinates me is his reason for quitting his post as press secretary: the job doesn’t pay enough, so he feels he needs to hit the lecture circuit to make the kind of money he wants.

First of all, kudos to him for being the first person in history to not use the ol' "I'm leaving to spend time with my family" nonsense we're used to hearing. The first person to use that one being, of course, Woody Allen. And for once, here's a guy whom we might have believed, since he was hit with colon cancer. So it’s refreshing to hear some honesty for once, even if it the first honest thing he’s been able to say since he took the job.

Secondly, are you telling me someone would take that job at that time for those people without some sort of arrangement, some sort of “I’ll spew this shit for you, but I’m getting some RIDICULOUSLY high-paying chairman of the board gig after, right?” Something like what Ben Gazzara must've gotten for agreeing to be in Road House, right? I mean, even people that support this administration find it impossible to say most of this shit with a straight face; I assume this would’ve been a “I’ll fall on my sword for you now for some $$$ later” chat in the backrooms. You’re telling me someone with Snow’s background/financial situation would’ve leapt at “wow, $170K/yr to look like a fucking idiot every day? YES! I am IN!!!!” without some major play going on? If not, again, maybe he’s crazy/retarded/Hannity after all.

And last, he says he needs to go on the talk circuit to rake in the “big bucks”? Really? I mean…..Tony Snow? You used to watch him on tv every day for free, he was the THIRD press secretary for this bunch, and you’re gonna shell out $1000 to eat some cold wings and listen to him babble a few Bush talking points at the local Kiwanis Club? Really? Would anybody really pay a nickel to sit down and hear what this guy has to say? I mean, given the choice between hearing Tony speak or Britney Spears, who would you rather hear? On one hand, you’re sitting there thinking “…I paid…$1000…to hear this guy talk…about reading things other people told him to say…two years ago…” Hmm. What a thrill. At least with Britney there’s a chance that at any second a Hummer will come crashing through the wall, little baby Preston behind the wheel sitting on a case of Red Bulls babbling “Viva Che!!” over and over, shitting doodoo lattes everywhere. Camon. No contest. Almost as bad as Bush licking his chops like Sylvester waiting on Tweety re: the money he’s gonna get from speaking after his term is up. Really? I mean, he will be an ex-president and all, but in the history of presidents is there one you’d LEAST rather hear speak for an hour than this one? Even if you backed him, again, you’re spending thousands of bucks a plate to hear him ramble on about freedom and terrorists for an hour? Maybe he'll be smart, kill some time with home slides of his latest brush clearing adventures. And besides a good toaster oven being able to write the speech he’ll recycle for the next 1000 appearances, is there a worse public speaker in the world whose name isn’t “Miss South Carolina”? While he’ll command a certain respect as en ex-prez, I cannot fathom people forking over scads of dough to listen to him in the years to come. But people are funny and dumb, so you never know.

Will W's speeches include a blow job too? (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)