Craisins

How much must cranberries suck? I just came across a bag of Craisins. Sweetened dried cranberries. But being a cranberry isn't enough, so they've sucked all the moisture out to make them raisins. Cause yeah, nothing grates me more than when I bite into a piece of fruit and it's all juicy. Hmm. But they kicker is now that they've taken the cranberry and made it a raisin, it's still not enough. Now they give it a different flavor altogether: orange. Orange. You get this? We've got one fruit and made it the flavor of...another fruit. What the fuck. How does this even occur to somebody in the Craisin Labs? "You know, Dr. Fred, these cranberries are great and all but...seems like we should try to make it taste like a different fruit, no?" Is chicken-flavored turkey next? "Honey, I bought some new dick-flavored dental dams!!" Hey, what's been used less in history - clocks at a black church, or dental dams?