Mine Eyes are Seeing the Glory

After many, many, MANY years stumbling around in a haze of blindness I have now joined the ranks of the four-eyed. Yup. I got glasses. The difference, I must say, is stunning....if I knew you fucking people were seeing THIS fucking good I woulda done it years ago. Man. The movie "Bound"? Nobody could tell me about this? Fuck. At my absolute peak, when I considered myself the Michael Jordan of squinters, I was supposing I was at least squinting my left eye down to 20/20. Not even close. And in the brief period I've even had the glasses I've gotten greedy - it's not enough now that my vision is perfect or that, you know, I CAN SEE AT ALL; I find myself trying to see shit like a mile away and getting frustrated that I can't. I don't know what the record for seeing is, but all of a sudden I seem to think I should be The One. Hmm.

I find I'm a little calmer for some reason with the glasses on. Even in my own room - I put them on and I'ma little slower, more deliberate. I wanna be nicer for some reason. Of course I say all this as if normally I'm wrestling a fucking puma inside an oil drum while pumping in Megadeath, but you know what I mean.

Also, maybe I won't walk up and down the street with my head down as much. I've always done this so if someone recognizes me and I don't acknowledge them, they don't think I'm being an asshole - I'm looking down, I didn't see them. I'd love to know how many people have seen me on the street and waved, only to think "what a fucking dick!" after I didn't wave back, even tho I was looking right at them. If I'm gonna be thought of as an asshole I'd rather it be for something like fucking your girl, or stealing money from cats. Not "he didn't see me."

Mostly, I'm shocked I've had them for over 48 hours without breaking them. And I'm still a little obsessed with the before/after comparisons; I'm constantly looking at something without glasses or squinting, then with squinting, then with the glasses on. I gotta get over this - I'm a little giddy, like the day I discovered masturbating. Of course, now I'm sidetracked by the fact that the single most exciting day of my life, the one that to me defines "giddy" is the day I discovered the art of the menage a moi. Perfect.