XMASTIME: Please. Mess with Texas.

/* MOBILE FIX: stop forcing desktop min-width */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body { min-width: 0 !important; } .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } .date-header { background: #000 !important; display: block !important; width: 100% !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .date-header span { background: transparent !important; } .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; } /* --- XMastime fixes: titles + date bars + mobile --- */ /* Post titles: stop random centering */ h3.post-title, h2.post-title, .post-title { text-align: left !important; } /* Date header: make the black bar extend full width */ .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; text-align: left !important; } /* Mobile: stop forcing huge desktop width */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body { min-width: 0 !important; } .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } /* FORCE post titles consistent */ .post-title, .post-title a, h2.post-title, h3.post-title { text-align: left !important; } /* FORCE full-width date bar across common Blogger structures */ .date-header, .date-header span, .post-header, .post-header-line-1, .post-header-line-1 span, .post-outer .post-header-line-1, .post-outer .post-header, .blog-posts .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; margin: 0 !important; } /* prevent inner bits from “breaking” the bar */ .date-header *, .post-header *, .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; text-align: left !important; } /* MOBILE: stop the fixed 1218px width behavior */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body, .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } /* DATE HEADER: make the black bar go full width */ .date-outer, /* FORCE FULL WIDTH DATE BAR NO MATTER WHAT */ .date-outer, .date-posts, .date-posts h2, .date-posts h3, .date-header, h2.date-header, h3.date-header { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 10px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; margin: 0 0 18px 0 !important; } /* force the TEXT itself orange and remove any weird inner box */ .date-posts span, .date-header span, .date-posts h2 span, .date-posts h3 span { background: transparent !important; color: #ff6600 !important; display: block !important; width: 100% !important; } -->

Friday, March 14, 2008

Please. Mess with Texas.

Next time you're talking with someone from Texas, see if they can go 3 minutes without saying "coyote." And seriously, this includes the President. Now, everybody else on planet Earth pronounces "coyotes" as "cow-yo-tees." But your Texan friend will go out of his/her way to find a way to use the word and pronounce it as "kah-oat;" this is their way of saying "Wow, lookit me, I'm from Texas!! You should be impressed! Texas is awesome, we think we should be our own country!!!!" Hey guess what, so do we. I've never seen a group of people thump their chest so much for nothing (not totally true - Texas Toast is the shizzle.) But the "kah-oat" thing is their own secret handshake, their own way of saying "hey, YOU'RE WELCOME for George W. Bush, Anna Nicole and killing JFK!!!" Yes, I get it, you're from Texas. Wow, congratulations. I'm sure the kah-oats are soooooo proud!

9 comments:

Gina said...: Cow-yo tees? What's with the COW? We here in Jersey pronounce it KY- yo-dees. kyYOdee. Is that how you people say it? Cowyotee? Call me ignorant racist bitch but that's funny. Cowyotee.

You are aware that all of your comments are accessible by google. One Texan saunters, no, struts over to this hyeah Computah and googles in 'Coyote', just out of curiousity. Maybe his child had to pick a topic to do a report on.... Be prepared. It happens. It's happening to me!; 1:19 AM
Gina said...: you crack me up. you think some people actually pronounce it
Coy-oh-tee? I'll have to ask someone from Wi-sconsin or Meeshigan.; 1:42 AM
BayonneMike said...: Quit bustin' Xmastime's balls, Gina. He's from Virginia. They talk funny down there.; 2:34 PM
Anonymous said...: sorry, Mr. Xmastime. My ex is from Texas. Maybe I'm just a little defensive of the way you say Cahyote.; 11:29 PM
Gina said...: What-Ever. Virginians don't even...never mind. back in my box.; 11:35 PM
Julia ATX NYC said...: #1: Fuck you, I'm from Texas.

#2: Maybe you should look into science before you knock the redneck brethren & me: Coyote (plural) is spelled exactly the same as Coyote (singular). In simpler terms: ki-yo-tee is plural; ki-yote is singular.

#3: I, (A TEXAN), haven't used that word since shopping for a coat at Paragon "Sports" in Manhattan, NY & read it on the label of the overpriced but warm jacket I bought.

#4: when you think you are ready to look coyote or a coyote in the eye & take it down, let me know- I will gladly show you how. Of course, if you cain't get your diction right, I might just also have to enlighten you to what a load of salt-rock in the ass feels like too.

#5: you ready?; 12:18 AM
Xmastime said...: sigh. case and point.

dont worry, when I become Prez, Ill set Texas free.; 12:37 AM
Julia ATX NYC said...: dude, we will re-unite Atzlan before you are prez & certainly freedom will come before that!

Remember the Alamo!! raccoon tails are only $3.00...; 1:04 AM
Anonymous said...: All three sexes...live in Tezas; 12:16 PM