William "Spanky" Gibson

One job I'd like to get is to be the guy who finds these hard-luck but ultra patriotic soldiers that are in every speech Dubya gives. Seems like an easy job, sounds like there's a million of people out there to choose from. I've never met one, but apparently they swarm the Earth like locusts. He can't seem to order from a Taco Bell without slipping one of these people in, can he?

Dubya: "Xmas, who'd you find for me today ol' buddy?"
Xmas: "Well Mr. President, I found Sgt. William Gibson from Main Street, USA. After the attacks on 9/11 he left his $2M/year job inspecting Hooters restaurants and his wife and 4 children to join the Army. He just wanted to do his part to defend freedom, Mr. President."
Dubya: "Heyooooooooo!"
Xmas: "Anyway, he got sent over to Iraq where he immediately got both legs blown off. He refused to leave his post, citing his aknowledgement of how important it is that all countries in the Middle East see how inspiring democracy is."
Dubya: "Rrrrrrrrama-lama-ding-dong, wheeeeeeww!!"
Xmas: "Unfortunately the next day he had the whole left side of his face blown off in an ambush, and both arms were lost as well. He was then sent to Walter Reed for treatment, where he started a volleyball team while stubbornly insisting he be sent back to his unit so that he could fight them over there and not over here - his words, sir."
Dubya: "Booooooyah!!!"
Xmas: "Well, then the rats at Walter Reed chewed off the rest of his face. But. That soldier. Sgt William Gibson. Today, he is being shipped back to Iraq to continue fighting. He refuses to give in - he knows that victory in Iraq is necessary to demonstrate U.S. resolve, sir."
Dubya: "Got a nickname?"
Xmas: "Spanky."
Dubya: "Xmas ol boy you did it again!" (slap on back)