Mail Call!

Dear Xmastime,
after reading the recent archives of your esteemed blog, specifically the one explaining how you've forgotten to pleasure yourself in a while, i realized that i too have let certain meaningful relationships lapse. i was wondering if you had any suggestions in how i can rekindle an old flame and show an old, dear friend that i still care. it's been a hectic past couple months, and the times i've tried to keep up on certain personal auto sexual duties, it was like i was just going through the motions, and dare i say, anticlimactic? i'd really appreciate any moves, lines, or even gifts that helped bring that side of yourself around again.
thanks a bunch
Desk Job

First of all DJ, thanks a lot for writing, my fans mean a lot to me. Second of all, um...are you kidding? I mean, do you know who I am? I AM XMASTIME!!! Do you think I can even remember the last time I had to attend a menage a moi? Are you fucking serious? Oh, oh, right, I posted about it before...that was a CHARACTER, fuckhead!! A cariacature of the very idea that someone like me (celeb), XMASTIME, would ever hafta consider stooping to such depths. Believe me, when you're the Head Bloggah in Charge, you have plenty of ladies looking to do your work for you. I'm about 3 more high school anecdote posts away from never having to wipe my own ass for fuck's sake. So think about who you're writing to next time you wanna cry because even your own hand has no interest in fucking you. Christ. Get a life, DJ!! Or some Viagra and a butter mitten, I don't fucking know, but to equate someone like you (non-celeb) with someone like me (celeb) is fucking laughable. Jesus Christ.

Thanks for writing!
XMASTIME

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note it's xmastime with an r at the end, not just xmastime. stupid fucks.