Romance? Ha!

Twice on tv the past few days I have seen dudes employ the “Cessna flying a banner saying ‘So and So Loves So and So’” routine to win their lady’s amour. The first was that flick with Famke Johnson and Jon Favreau; she’s laying on some beach, happens to look up and there’s the plane with the banner. Then this morning on Wings the guy is in the plane with the banner, calls his girl, tells her to go outside and look up to see the banner, which she does.

I have exactly zero faith in this working if I tried to pull it off. In the first example, there’s no way the girl would happen to be laying out and look up at the right time. With my luck, she’d have popped inside the cabana for a Zima and missed it, or simply did not even bother looking up at the right moment. Or would, you know, be with her husband.

And in the second instance, if I was in the plane and tried to call as I neared her house, there’s no way I’d actually get her on the phone. Even today in the age of cell phones, it would be the one time her phone just died, or she’d be in the shitter. She’d have the ringer set on vibrator (don’t THINK I didn’t notice, slut!!!!) There’s no way either one of these plans would possibly work out for me.

The only time I ever got lucky at something like this is when my high school girlfriend heard our song on the radio as a “dedication” and thought I had called it in. Which I hadn’t. Did I take credit for it? Umm…am I retarded? Of course! Maybe that’s why every time since I’ve tried to woo a girl with romantic moments they have failed miserably, or never even happened due to bad sequences of luck/timing. Is there a volcano I can sacrifice my “I Melt with You” cassingle to in order to lift this dang curse???!!