I like that for all our years of effort and money and lives, we have clusterfucked Iraq so badly in the name of “giving them the gift of democracy!!” that even though there’s no real end in sight, Malik is basically saying “you know what, you gotta get the fuck out. Monday, Tuesday, whenever – I don’t care where you go, but you can’t stay here.” We’ve become the one night stand who clogs up the shitter, breaks a family heirloom and eats the roommate's red velvet cake in the fridge and then still needs to be asked to leave in the morning. Unreal. Is it even possible to embarrass ourselves anymore? Is there no limit? For all of our macho posturing bullshit, this is how it’s gonna end, with our being the rude, unwelcome house guest? Sweet!
Bush: "But Malik, if we pull out now your entire region will explode into a fiery ball of civil war! everyone will die and burn in hell!!"
Malik: "yeah, yeah, sounds rough...listen, Assieh will show you out, have a safe flight home."
Bush: "Where's the Arby's around here?"
And of course the White House is taken aback, and is insisting “oh no no no, you need us there for a long time…” Gee. Why would they possibly try to convince Iraq of this? Remind you of a certain someone’s rationale from these pages before?
The summer after 9th grade I got a job cutting the grass at the local DMV. It was a TINY square of grass that took maybe 15 minutes to cut. I got $10 to cut it every Saturday, and of course after about one Saturday the scorching heat completely killed the grass, so there was nothing to cut. But I'd still show up every week, go thru the motions and walk in to collect my ten fat ones. The lady would always be a little confused, "gee, did it really need it this week?" to which I'd look like she was ridiculous "oh yeah, yeah it really did" and then take my ten bucks to invest in some little-known company at the time called "Google." Whether that damn grass needed it or not, I was there.
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