Jesse Helms

People throughout the media and blogosphere are apparently a bit miffed because of the right’s zealous eulogizing of Jesse Helms over the last few days. I dunno, I can’t get too worked up over this. For one, nothing has become more American over the last few years than crying and wailing about any “tragedy” we can get our mitts on. Also it just doesn’t seem to be in our nature to speak ill of the recently dead, no matter how big a douchebag he/she was. I don’t think that’s the worst trait in the world to have, actually. And lastly, hey, at least he’s dead – there’s WAY too many shitheads out there that are still alive and working to completely fuck us all over; I’d much rather save my vitriol for them and feel like I'm not wasting my f-bombs and snappy analogies.

You know who we CAN still be pissed at, though? The fucking dipshits in North Carolina that kept sending him back to the Senate, election after election. Jesus Christ, dude served 5 terms, and prolly woulda kept getting re-elected had he not quit due to health problems. What the fuck?

HEY NORTH CAROLINA: We get it, you hate black people, science and progress!! Jeez, alright, got it! For chrissake, save some bigotry and small-mindedness for the next guy!!!!!

And it's not like these elections took place in the 20s and 30s...they were from 1972 on! Wow. As late as 1996 people in NC were at the voting booths thinking "hating niggers and blaming AIDS on homos being weak, morally sick wretches? You know what...6 more years of that sounds about right!"

I mean, it’s one thing to be the asshole, it’s another to keep propping the asshole up. As much as Bush drives me insane, if you offered me his life hell, for all I know I’d say “sure!” That’s a lot of egg foo young I could buy. He may be a complete shithead, but we are the ones who put him into the highest office in the land…TWICE.

Let Helms go; let's focus on somehow not letting people like him reach such high office in the first place. Remember, some dude at Hitler's funeral surely got choked up mentioning "Adolf made the best lemon squares I ever had..."









Sen. Helms, with the darkest skinned woman he ever allowed to touch him (l).