Orange Soda

On the way home tonite I bought a fucking 2-liter bottle of orange soda. I don't know why...number one, I don't need to be drinking soda. And number 2, I haven't bought orange soda since maybe 1977. I guess over the last few decades, much like using washcloths and wearing white t-shirts that could cover a Buick, I had somehow left drinking orange soda to black people. But tonite, fuck it, for some reason I bought some.

First of all, I had no idea the shit was caffeine-free. Really? Caffeine free while...looking like this?

(note: mine is a 2-liter!!)

Why bother going with no caffeine if you're gonna dump the shit in an open bottle so that it looks like an orange nuclear spill? Just looking at how fucking neon bright this thing is jacks your heart-rate up - I'm scared if I actually drink it I'll get pregnant. I'm thinking about buying another bottle and going outside at midnight and really fucking with planes trying to land at JFK. "Caffeine free." Hmm.

And then, once my eyes had adjusted to the light, I noticed that it actually proudly says on the label CONTAINS 1% ORANGE JUICE. What the fuck. 1%? "WOW!! Somewhere in there, spread out over 2 liters, is a marble-sized amount of real juice!!! Fuck YEAH!!!!!" Why even fucking bother telling me this? You could make it so that 1% of the shit is squirrel cancer, and it would look and taste the fucking same.

Orange soda, eh? a fucking ride, man.