Why isn't John McCain Paying Me?

McCain needs to give up this Ayers/Weatherman terrorist connection to Obama nonsense. Nobody cares about some radical bullshit from the 60’s. You know what America DOES care about? Baseball. Now, Obama is from Chicago, right? Are you telling me that McCain can’t lead us to connect the dots re: Obama being connected to Steve Bartman? That Obama IS Steve Bartman?

a. The game was in Chicago
b. Obama was probably in Chicago that night
c. Has anybody ever seen Obama and Bartman in the same room? Hmm. Peculiar, isn’t it?
d. If it wasn't actually Obama with a mask on, can he PROVE he didn't pay Bartman to botch the play?

Chicago will riot in the streets, therein causing Obama to lose his home state. The country, seeing Obama wrecking his own hometown and therein wondering what he'd do to the rest of America, will follow suit. McCain in a LANDSLIDE.

I mean, for fuck's sake; what ELSE can I do for the McCain campaign???!?!