Wednesday, December 03, 2008

God Hearts Kentucky

I love finding out about stupid shit like this, that there is actually part of a state anti-terrorism law that requires Kentucky's Office of Homeland Security to acknowledge it can't keep the state safe without God's help.

Really? Hmm. Doesn't this just make God look like an idiot? After all, if you did have God on your side, shouldn't we assume he'd take care of everything in a snap of the fingers, no problemo? What's the "help" part of this? What are we supposed to picture, God pacing back and forth in a room "hold on, hold on, let me think about this...let's see..."? Is he the creator of the Universe, or is he Michael J. Fox in Casualties of War? This very interesting to me, how this must work.

GOD'S SECRETARY: Sir, Kentucky's on the phone.
GOD: Heeeeeeeey....Ashley Judd?
GOD'S SECRETARY: Kentucky is under attack, sir.
GOD: Dammit. Okay. Grab my duffel bag - get my foul weather gear too, I'm sending a thunderstorm there this afternoon.
GOD'S SECRETARY: Yes sir.
GOD: Kill 'em all, let me sort 'em out, I like to say.
GOD'S SECRETARY: Yes sir.
GOD: Rumble in Kentucky. Let's do this. (stares out the window, squints eyes out into the sun. Sighs.) I'm too old for this shit.

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