Plax, Plax, Plax...

I HATE the Giants, and have laughed at them every time Plaxico Burress has pulled some shit that has made them look stupid, so I’m QUITE enjoying his latest dumb-scapade. I love the mere thought of athletes walking into clubs with loaded guns. Seems like a good idea, right?

I don’t understand the fascination with carrying guns; but then again I’m not some 25-year old hotshot millionaire pro athlete either. But why does the athlete have to be the one to carry the gun – why can’t any of the fucking idiots that spooge off him, his “posse”, why can’t they earn their keep? Let one of them carry the damn gun! “I need it for my protection,” the athlete will say. Really? Say, who do you think might have more experience fighting in the streets with handguns – you, who has spent almost every moment since you set foot on a college campus and then into the pros pretty much locked up in a crazily-packed schedule on some grassy campus miles from anywhere else with coaches on your ass all day and night, and who has had everything else handled for them; or the jackasses in your “posse”, who spent your high school and college years doing anything they needed to do to stay alive long enough without getting real jobs so that they can finally cash in on your draft day? Hmm. Again: let THEM handle he fucking guns!!!

Guns are a funny thing, cause you never hear GOOD stories about guns, do you? You only hear about them when someone shoots someone in a club, or a drive-by, or when some kid finds one in his house and blows his brains out by accident. You never hear anything like

“What’d you guys do last night?”
“Oh, we went to the club, waved our loaded guns around while dancing and getting shitfaced, was a blast.”
“Damn, wish I had been there!” Or

“Where have you been?”
“It’s cool Mom, me and Jimmy found his Dad’s pistol, so we played around with it awhile, pretending we were cowboys, whipping it outta the holsters. Was great!”
“Sounds nice honey, wash your hands for dinner.”

You just never hear these stories, do you? But hey – clubs packed to the gills, seems like I should get shitfaced and carry my loaded gun around. Hmm.