For years my "Fast Food Douchebag" award was given to the jackoffs who insisted on mopping under my table for 15 minutes as I was sitting there. "Scuse me." "Scuse me." "Scuse me." Coupla years ago there was some joint I'd hit 2-3 times a week, and the place was always EMPTY; yet every fucking time some dude would pick my table to scrub under while I'm fucking sitting there. I'm like dude, I know you're doing your job, but there are about 1000 other square feet you can work on til I'm fucking gone in 10 minutes!!! Drives me insane.
Then I was gonna give the award to the fucking grey panthers who, even tho every fucking seat in the place is taken and there are people with food looking to sit down and eat, sit at a table for 18 hours sipping on a thimbleful of fucking coffee. But they only had the award for a short time, as I've quickly decided to give it to the fucking douchebag hipster guy who, having finished his bird-sized meal and with every fucking seat taken, decides to sit there for another 11 hours and text every single person in the world.
Congratulations, Texting Hipster You are now the OFFICIAL FAST FOOD DOUCHEBAG!!!!
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