Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Heigl Plan: YES!


The search thingee on my blog is fucked up so I can't find my post wherein I rant about the implausibility of Seth Rogan fucking Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up, and the other night the guys on Entourage did the same thing. And they're right - there's NO FUCKING WAY a chick as fucking balls-hot as her has a one-night stand with Fozzie the fucking Bear. I'm sorry, it's just not going to happen - there's no amount of booze that can get a girl that hot to fuck that. I know you gals will take offense and say yes it's possible "he's funny! and nice!" Yeah, if he spent a decade quietly winning her over with his charm until she was numbed into unconsciousness by his blandness as well as having run out of other dudes on the planet to fuck, then MAYBE.

But now I see she's in some movie with Gerard Butler, who's supposed to be some great-looking lothario. But in looking at her and him, I don't see HIM fucking her either. Does anybody realize how much hotter she is than any of the jagoffs they keep pairing her with? What the fuck?

For years women have bitched that things like movies and magazines have set an impossible standard for normal-looking women to live up to. How are us men supposed to be attracted to them when we spend all day jerking off to pictures of Gisele?

But now with these Heigl movies, I think I see something else...a subtle, slow plan by men to use her as a way to get women to accept the fact that THEY TOO should settle for the first jobless, fat dumbass who doesn't rape your father on the first date - they are slowly easing into women's minds "hey, look who Katherine Heigl had to settle for...now look at yourself - who the fuck do you think you are? Consider yourself lucky ANY fucking loser would even consider taking your fat ass to a movie."

Are men even MORE brilliant than we had even thought??? AWESOME!!!

2 comments:

Nerdhappy said...

Hey deep throat, what are you trying to accomplish here, huh? You realize you're just shooting yourself in the foot, right? *

(* not that I am accusing you of being a jobless, fat, dumbass, father rapist or anything, but hey, dont look a gift horse in the mouth, vrai?)

Jon said...

Hoping this post was gonna explain why she keeps her bra on in those scenes with Rogan.