Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm fucking rich as shit. I'm so rich that after taking a dump I don't flush the toilet, I simply buy another toilet. Cause I'm rich.So obviously I was thrilled when Chase came out with a new level of credit card membership that let's me know that I'm richer than those losers in the NBA who currently have the platinum card, and sent me their newest and greatest, THE CHASE SAPPHIRE. I scanned some of the benefits and saw "one-to-one point transfer to leading airline and hotel programs."
For some reason my mind went to Sea Oats, some dive motel my friend Brian and shared a room in back in the Summer of 1991, trying to make it back from Nag's Head while it took 3 days to get his car fixed. The owners were nice, and lent us a microwave for our room. Boy, I thought, wouldn't it be fun to use my new Sapphire card to call up Brian and take a trip to relive some memories?????!! and I'll use my new card's points to go shopping and buy a bunch of shit??!! Maybe the old couple that owned it are still there and will be thrilled to see us again!
So I called Chase to nail down the details. And it turns out I can't stay at Sea Oats, I hafta choose between the Sheraton or the Doubletree. And they won't pay for my bus fare, I hafta fucking fly down on United Airlines. And they tried to give me a list of the stores I could use my points to buy shit with. What the fuck, I started thinking...Chase is gonna give me rewards and services in return for my business, but they're going to limit my choices? "What the fuck is this," I shouted at the lady on the phone, "SOCIALISM??!?!?" before hanging up.
Fuck that shit. Hey Chase, it's been for reals! FLUUUUUUUUUUUSH!!
1 comment:
Chase can take their cards and SHOVE IT where the sun don't shine. They are nothing but LIARS. They tack on all sorts of fees to the card and paying the minimum or even half of the card balance isn't good enough for them. They will just close your account after a couple of times of you only paying half the card balance, report you to the credit bureaus as "delinquent" and send 10 different debt collectors after you. I'm not kidding about this.
There is NO negotiating with them. It's either you pay the card in full or you will be paying through the nose with their miscellaneous fees. I wouldn't recommend Chase to a dog for Christ sakes.
Don't get a card with Chase and certainly DO NOT open a bank account with Chase. You will be SORRY beyond belief if you have an account with Chase. Chase will close your bank account without warning if you don't keep more than $12 in it at any given time. $12 that goes towards their "monthly service fee". And after they close your bank account, your name gets listed in Chex System and you have NO choice but to get a second chance checking account. There is NO way of getting your name out of the Chex System.
If you have an account with Chase, CLOSE IT NOW. DO NOT WAIT. DO NOT PATRONIZE THEM. Don't patronize businesses that practice deceptive tactics. I will HATE Chase forever and a day. I don't want anyone to go through what I went through with Chase. It's mind blowing the way they operate.
Post a Comment