Monday, August 24, 2009

Death.

I don't know why people always say "at least he went doing something he loved." What? Why the fuck would that be good? Let's say I'm about to play basketball for an hour, but drop dead as I start playing. That means I am robbed an hour of doing what I love doing. Why is this good? Ever hear anybody say how thrilled they were about having to stop in the middle of doing something they liked? Who's the wizard behind this saying?

I wanna go doing something I HATE, like if I'm staring at a pile of shirts that need to be ironed, or gotta find a washcloth to get my jizz outta whosever eyeball I just crusted (prolly while her best friend/sister films.) If you gotta die, you might as well get out of doing something you hate, right?

People are whack. Almost as dumb as "they're going to a better place":
6) “He/she’s going to a better place”
This one always cracks me up. The one thing we will never, ever know as humans is what it’s like after we die, but people sprain an ankle racing to be the first dipshit to say “Well, he’s in a better place.” I don’t know about that. First of all, right here we got blowjobs, cheeseburgers and baseball. We can go to the beach, tell Yo Mama jokes, we can pay an “escort” to put on blackface and pretend she’s Nell Carter from “Gimme a Break.” Seems to me like that’s tough to beat. I don’t know what’s on the other side and I never will, but I’ll take my chances with a world that has potato chips and “Alf” dvds. Secondly, if death means going to a place that’s better than here, and you’re sure enough of it to say it out loud, why wouldn’t you kill yourself?


or


5) “She’s fighting cancer”
This is another thing people say to make themselves feel better. So & so is 94, has cancer, is immobile and in a hospital bed but we gotta say “Hey, she’s fighting it. She’s a fighter.” Is she? I dunno. You’re basically lying there – there’s nothing you can do with your hands, the medication’s not working; am I now to believe you’re using a Jedi mind trick to keep yourself alive? We always like to feel like someone hung there an extra day or two by sheer determination. Cause yeah, if there’s ever a period of my life I’d like to drag out a little longer it’s when I’m in bed shitting myself while my family hovers over top of me waiting for me to kick so they can all fight for my “Highlights” collection. I wanna be the other guy, so they say “Yeah, I dunno, I thought Xmastime woulda lasted a few more days, but he really seemed to give up and let himself die. Didn’t fight it at all. A quitter, some might say.”

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

But we already know what it's like after we die: it's exactly the same as it was before we were born, blissful nonexistence. And, in some instances, I would say that's the better alternative.

Anonymous said...

but Jesus spoke otherwise, in many instances. There is a way out of HELL and all you gotta do is trust Jesus. Still, many folks like yourslef prefer to come up with some other scenerio. For what reason, i have no idea. senseless.

Kiko Jones said...

Jeez, and I thought I was going to be harsh by pointing out your misuse of the word "whack". Yikes!