Sniffin' Church

The other day I found myself wondering if I should start going to church. Not because I care about believing in God, or religion, but I gotta start doing something to curb what has become a wildly epicurean lifestyle. I'm eating and drinking my face off like I wanna explode; hell if I was rich I'd be knee-deep in hookers every night. I can disappear for three days and then come back covered in maple syrup and Country Crock, and there's nobody to stop me from doing so. I don't mean this in an over-dramatic teenage "Nobody would care if I died!" way, cause that's not true at all. But on a day-to-day basis, I have nobody who really cares what I do or don't do. Which is of course very freeing, but what the fuck. Probably not the way successful people find themselves living, I would think.