Tiger, tiger, Tiger

One of the many hot, hot whores Tiger was banging:

Jamie said they began their secret affair in June 2005, after Tiger introduced himself in a club at the exclusive Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas. Within hours he wooed Jamie back to his £15,000 hotel room for sex. 

What the..."wooed"? "Within hours"??!?! REEally? How fucking much of a pussy is this motherfucker?

For me to "woo" a woman as hot as this chick, I'd hafta spend weeks doing things like memorizing John Donne poems and then tossing lines out as the sun is setting perfectly so as to highlight the auburn tinge to my eyebrows, all while "thoughtlessly" plinking out the notes to Piano Sonata No. 29 "Hammerklavie" and staring out into the ocean and claiming that if there had to be retarded kids born I'd want one, so that ("choking up") I could be the one to protect the little guy against the cruelties of the world. Then I'd hafta pay all my friends money to "accidentally" mention ("Dammit, Xmastime will be PISSED if he finds out I told you this!!") the money I give to orphanages, the football scholarship I turned down at Notre Dame to teach African kids how to build wells, and that I own LL Bean. And even all THAT might not work, at which point I'd hafta hit her in the head with a sock filled with pennies.

Meanwhile, if I'm one of the most famous people on the face of the planet, and a billionaire, and already have a stable of hot minxes lined up to fuck me, I think my entire "wooing" would consist of (pointing at chick) "You!" (thumbing in direction of my hotel room.) But Tiger, it takes hours. Of..."wooing." Fucking hell.