BH 90210

Oh, for fuck's sake:

Is Tiffani Amber Theissen coming on Beverly Hills 90210 the greatest addition to a team since Jimmy Chitwood decided to start playing ball again? Fucking a; the only reason I even own a tv is for that rerun-every-6-years scene of her in the bathroom in her tongety-tong-tong soon after moving into the Walsh house. One episode in, and she's already said the words "lube job", "cue stick", "whip me" and "on my hind legs." Fucking christ.

Ooooh, I see we're in the midst of that story arc where Brandon is running for Student Body VP, along with that "surpsise, he's so nebbish!" Jewish guy Josh. He just gave a speech that the campus is buzzing about the next day, it's all anyone's talking about. Now Brandon's giving his thoughts on the voting patterns of the campus conservative, progressives and independents. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. Yes, I remember how HUGE campus elections were, how divided we all were in our student political beliefs! Tore us asunder! I have no idea if we even had a student goverment. Nor did I know anybody who knew anybody who even remotely knew we had a student government. The student body president could've given a speech declaring he had dug up Hitler's dick and was going to "feed it to all the niggers along with pieces of Ralph Machio, whom I've just chopped up into a thousand pieces" and nobody would've 1) noticed 2) cared 3) known who the fuck Ralph Machio was. Of course, I went to a state school. Oh, and how does this election end? With assassination, of course. Right. That's remotely plausible. At least now Brandon's prez. I'd have hated him to be stuck in a powerless, do-nothing position like Student Body VP.

Is it possible 90210 was even better a coupla years after the gang left high school? Valerie shows up, Steve joins the KEG house, the Peach Pit goes After Dark, etc etc. How did this happen? This would be like if after the classic start of Anal Encounters I, II and III they skipped the boring IV, V, VI and VII and were followed by the penultimate run of VIII, IX, X and XII (goes without saying, XI was derivative and lifeless.)

Oh, here's a good one. Steve has just asked Brandon to come to his frat party, claiming that it would impress the brothers if he brought the student council president to a party. Yes, I remember the time the student council president showed up at a party of ours; OOOOH how we all squealed with glee! Wow, we did it! Now we're coooool!!! Seriously, what the fuck planet do these people live on? "Monseignor, it would really impress the guys if you came to my frat party." "Let;'s do this, Steve-O."

I feel like they missed an opportunity with the opening of the Peach Pit After Dark to ape Road House and turn the already-ridiculous Steve Sanders into a zen bouncer, a la a cross between Dalton the cooler and a goofball with a poodlehead. You blew it, Darren Starr!

Oh, SHIT!! This is the episode where we meet Ray, gotta go (BLOOD BOILING!!!! ooooooh, I hate Ray!!!!!!)