Kids a' Blowin

One thing that annoys me is when people try to make the case that if we just let priests get married, they'd stop fucking little boys. First of all, from what I understand about marriage, nobody has sex less than married men. Apparently, the minute you say "I do," you don't anymore. And I'm not looking to make any cracks about the fact that we're talking about men who have agreed to not cheat on some pretend boss dude in the sky, or that the fact that there's only one bush in the Bible and they set that one on fire. I'm sure there are many. MANY priests who are brilliant theologians/philosphers/intellectuals.

But making an 11 year-old boy blow you seems like something much deeper than "gee, I haven't gotten any pussy lately." No one's been on longer runs without the poonay-nay than me, and not once have I thought hey, why not try little kids? And while I'm at not even little girls, but boys?

Of course, it's the same thing I said a few years ago about dudes in prison. (You should read the whole post - back then I was FUCKING BRILLIANT!!)

5) And while I’m thinking about gay sex, how come we have so readily accepted prison sex? We think of a prison we shrug our shoulders and think ah well, dudes fucking dudes, it’s just the situation they’re in. What is this? These dudes can’t beat off like normal people? Hey, let me tell you something, I’ve gone some LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG stretches without getting laid, and at no point did I start thinking about fucking guys. How does this happen so quickly in prison? Granted, I haven’t taken a shower with 50 dudes in a while, but still. I think maybe part of the male machismo says that we have to prove ourselves as pussyhounds AT ALL COSTS; ie we have to make it look like we’re freaking out over not fucking chicks, that we’re such studs that we’re simply not used to not getting laid every day, and that transcends our not being, you know…attracted to the thought of having a dick in our mouth. Just a theory. I mean come on, you’re in prison cause you held up a 7-11 with a water pistol to get money for some Air Jordans, am I REALLY supposed to believe that on the outside you had a constant stream of amazing trim? Camon. Just once I’d like to hear about prisoners talking like this:

a. Prisoner A: hey Jerry, how long you been here now?
b. Prisoner B: fricking 10 months.
c. Prisoner A: oh man, 10 months with no pussy? Damn!
d. Prisoner B: you know, it hasn’t been a big deal. I jerk off 6 times a day, just like back home. Hey, you done reading that?

Anyway, these dudes need to be punished by the church, not protected, if only to not smear the reputations of any priests who aren't doing this shit. I believe his name is Wayne, from Vancouver. (okay, that was wrong (but funny!))