No no, I mean make my own version of a St. Paul, a legend in St. Louis (yes, that makes a whole lot of fucking sense) which according to the website looks like this:
STEPS TO MAKING A ST. PAUL:
1) Call an order in to Kam Sing for roast pork egg foo young. Oh, on the phone she'll act like she doesn't understand you, but you go ahead and hang up - she's hip, she knows the score. You're in.
2) Since nobody really knows what egg foo young is or if it's even actual food it takes almost no time to "make," so leave your house immediately to get the other items from the bodega across the street from Kam Sing.
3) Tomato: check. Wonder Bread: check. Warm mayo on the shelf: check. Lettuce? I dunno - there's already something lettuce-y in egg foo young, probably wallpaper. Also, what am I, a fucking Kennedy?
4) Use this opportunity to grab eight 24-oz cans of Colt 45. Hey, tomorrow's Thursday - it's the weekend!! Shew! TGIW, mothafuckahz!!!!
5) Swing by to grab the egg foo young. Check the patties before leaving, sometimes if you see actual cat whiskers you can get a free soda thrown in (but not EVERY time)(full disclosure: I've never gotten the free soda.)
6) As for assembly, take a moment to lightly pat the patties (schwing!) with some paper towels to get some of the grease out. WARNING: if they are actually from Kam Sing, DO NOT LET GO OF THE PAPER TOWEL, or you will never, ever see it again!!!!!!
7) Lay a single patty on a slice of the Wonder Bread, then a hearty slice of a beefsteak tomato. It's important that it's beefsteak. The guy at the bodega nodded quickly when I asked him "is this a beefsteak tomato?", and he seemed to know what he was doing, so I'm pretty sure it is. Then he handed me a pack of condoms!! I love that guy!!
Right now, things should look like this:
Oh, look: my St. Paul has a friend! Nom nom nom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Hey, hey, St. Paula, I want to marry you..."
8) Slather some mayo on another slice of bread to soak up some of the grease. And by "to soak up the grease," I of course mean "I would eat my ballsack if it was slathered in mayo." Cover sandwich.
Verdict: Fucking scrumptious. The taste and smell as you first near the sandwich actually reminds me of some other sandwich from my childhood, but I can't put my brain on it this second. I actually wanted to post a cross-section halfway through, but things went too fast, everything got out of hand and the whole thing was a blur. Fucking awesome. Can't wait to try it again.
1 comment:
What a play-by-play. You put Parsley Thief to shame. BTW my Word is Phallac
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