Later Tots

 This site HERE has put together a television "Tot to Hot" list.

"Here are some of our favorite child television stars who went from tot to hot":

ALYSSA MILANO  Who's the Boss
TATYANA ALI The Fresh Prince
SOLEIL MOON FRYE Punky Brewster
CHRISTINE LAKIN Step by Step
DANICA McKELLAR The Wonder Years
CHRISTINA APPLEGATE Married with Children
JODIE SWEETIN Full House
DANIELLE FISHEL Boy Meets World
TIFFANI AMBER THIESSEN Saved by the Bell
NICOLE EGGERT Charles in Charge

I dunno, I feel this list is somewhat misleading in that most of these girls were already pretty hot when we first saw them. Tiffani Amber Thiessen was probably already smoking hot when her dad slipped her mother that last margarita before banging her. Nicole Eggert has stayed just about the exact same from Day 1. Christina Applegate is still hot, but would you really say she's hotter than when she was Al Bundy's "little girl"? Alyssa Milano started out so young, but within a year or two of Who's the Boss you could tell she would eventually be coming along right on schedule; 20 years later nobody's really surprised she's been too busy fucking half of major league baseball to have any time for acting. The chick from Step by Step isn't surprising; what IS surprising is that somebody else on the planet besides me knows that stupid show existed. But that fucker had this hot chick and her older sister who was even hotter PLUS an Original MILF (OMILF), Suzanne Somers. Tatyana Ali from The Fresh Prince is tough to really pay attention to since when I hear "The Fresh Prince" my dick grabs a bottle of Canoe Cologne, thinking Karyn Parsons is coming onscreen (heh heh heh.)

Two of the entries (heh heh heh) have kind of gone backwards. Every kid my age was in love with Winnie Cooper, but as a grownup she just looks kind of strange. Not ugly, but like her face stayed the same size while the rest of her head grew, or something. And Topanga had a window of about one year during which she was hot before apparently getting stung by a thousand bees, and the swelling just never went down.

 I would say the chicks who came the farthest (heh heh heh) are definitely Soleil Moon Frye and Jodi Sweetin. Frye (definitely now a Mrs. Xmastime with them teef 'n titties) as Punky Brewster looks like a little fucking ugly pug, but she still didn't come close to what an ugly bitch Sweetin was. I mean, that shit is tough to look at. Fucking christ, her sisters on the show were Kirk Cameron's fat sister and two little fucking monkeys, and you'd still have a hard time pulling the trigger on calling her "the cute one." And now look at her, she's a fucking piece of ass. THAT is quite a fucking happy surprise, right?

So I would say the best representative of what I think qualifies as a "Tot to Hot" would be Jodi Sweetin. Who saw this little ugly bitch becoming hot? And I guess it took a meth addiction and some fake titties, but she eventually got there. Congrats, whatever your name was on Full House!

Oh, whoops...I guess it wasn't a shock to EVERYBODY.

Oh well. Nom nom nom!!!

postscript: how do I go about copyrighting "Teef 'n Titties"? Maybe turn it into a surf 'n turf Margaritaville-style bar & grill?