Dear Mr. President:
As I pointed out yesterday HERE, Governor Palin has clearly laid out a plan for you to guide America back to the global dominance we enjoyed up to and until 11:59am on January 20 2009; judging from the fact that she has generously left it up at the top of her Facebook page it's apparent you haven't yet read the post, nor have you let the Governor walk you through it and give you a clearer understanding of what your job is.
Mr. President, AS AN AMERICAN, I plead with you to put aside your community organizer-bred arrogance and face the fact that unless you do what this common sense Grizzly Mama says, you are leading America down a path of complete and utter destruction. She is only here to help you, it is up to you to realize that her words here are not only what's best for Barack Hussein Obama, but what's best for America.
As a favor to you I have broken down each of her topics and offered my own thoughts below.
Please, sir. Do the right thing. The Governor has selflessly left this guidebook up when she could be crowing about Levi crawling on his hands and knees to apologize to her; I only ask your own patriotism in return.
DEFENSE SPENDING
Summary: Obama needs to cut spending on everything else, but ramp up defense spending since getting our asses kicked is not good.
Awesome Sniffy quote: "This may be obvious to you and me, but I am not sure the Obama Administration gets it."
Xmastime response: tough to argue - does Obama not have Facebook? Is there some reason he's not reading this? Sure, right now we're like the 1996 Chicago Bulls and the rest of the world are the Hickory Huskers, but remember, THE HUSKERS BEAT AN ALL-BLACK TEAM IN THE FINAL!!! But I guess just like the Facebook teachings from a Grizzly Mama, Indiana high school basketball is a bit too "real America" for Monsier Harvard. How do you spell "escargot"? Chicken in a car, and the car won't go: Chicago. BOOM!
THE U.S. NAVY
Summary: Obama needs to cut spending on everything else, but ramp up US Navy spending since getting our asses kicked in the water is not good.
Awesome Sniffy quote: "Our Navy has global responsibilities. It patrols sea lanes and safeguards the freedoms of our allies – and ourselves."
Xmastime response: We still have a Navy? Really? That's so cute!
OBAMA’S FOREIGN POLICY INHERITANCE
Summary: When Bush came into office he was given a country completely screwed by his predecessor, while Obama was handed a bunch of roses and yet still managed to fuck it up like a complete fucking asshole.
Awesome Sniffy quote: "Promote liberty, not least because it enhances our security. Unfortunately, these basic principles seem to have been discarded by Washington."
Xmastime response: According to dictionary.com, the opposite of "liberty" is "incarceration." So to see Sniffy point this out and then merely days later Lindsay Lohan gets shipped off to jail is fucking spooky, no? If the big-tittied rich whores from Obama's beloved Hollywood aren't safe, what the fuck chance do the rest of us have? But we get what we ask for, don't we? We elected Obama, and nobody went to see that flick where Lindsay plays a stripper. And now we're paying the price. Obama 1, Freedom 0.
THE WAR ON TERROR
Summary: Obama needs to use the phrase "War on Terror," and not what he has been calling it: "The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings."
Awesome Sniffy quote: "As Senator Joe Lieberman noted, refusing to use the word Islamic when describing the nature of the threat we face is 'Orwellian and counterproductive.'"
Xmastime response: When I was in 3rd grade, one of my teachers wrote on my report card "Xmastime is Orwellian and counterproductive." At the time I merely thought I was destined to become a do-nothing fat fuck - how could I possibly have known it meant I was to become an Islamist terrorist? Wow, this changes EVERYTHING - look out ladies, I'm back, and I'm a bad boy!!!!!! I'm gonna need some new, happening clothes.
AFGHANISTAN
Summary: John McCain was an awesome fucking war hero, Obama sucks.
Awesome Sniffy quote: "Does the President really believe the Taliban and al Qaeda won’t be empowered by his naming of a starting date for withdrawal? They now believe they can beat him simply by outlasting us."
Xmastime response: I was gonna answer that by saying "because they can," but then it hit me that what did Obama say throughout his campaign? "Yes we can." Chilling, no? Now, I'm not saying that Obama is a member of Al Queda. But I am saying that based on what we now know, he is part of a militant Islamist group founded sometime between August 1988 and late 1989 that operates as a network comprising both a multinational, stateless arm and a fundamentalist Sunni movement calling for global Jihad. Take from that what you will.
ALIENATING OUR ALLIES
Summary: Obama has not only sucked the life out of our own troops, but has forced his suckage onto the rest of the world in his desperate lunge to make America the kid on the bus that no one likes because he eats his own boogers.
Awesome Sniffy quote: All of it is the truth, it's as if the whole passage was cut and pasted from www.facebook.com/jesus
Xmastime response: sorry, was distracted...Facebook really IS awesome!!!!
CODDLING ADVERSARIES
Summary: While pissing off nations that have been our allies for centuries, Obama is giving handjobs under the table to all the guys that want to blow us off the face of the planet, might be "going with" Hugo Chavez.
Awesome Sniffy quote: "our allies are left to wonder about the value of an alliance with the U.S. They have to be wondering if it’s worth it."
Xmastime response: I hate to sound like every person who has ever responded to a Charlie Daniels soapbox post on his message board, but AMEN! Sarah, you are exactly right, God Bless America, and don't forget, Obama is desperately trying to take all our guns and pile them up at Comiskey Park for "Fuck the US Constitution Night" at a White Sox doubleheader. Hey, billions of dollars in foreign aid and military protection can only go so far with these countries - eventually, Obama is gonna hafta go on Morning Joe and say something somewhat less than glowing about Hitler. And no, "he was a crappy graphic artist" doesn't count.
AN “ENEMY-CENTRIC” FOREIGN POLICY
Summary: Sniffs has learned you can attach "centric" to any word, and Obama's a fucking asshole.
Awesome Sniffy quote: "There is a long bipartisan tradition of speaking out in favor of freedom – from FDR to Ronald Reagan."
Xmastime response: I can figure out how Obama's fought against freedom since Reagan, but from FDR back to the Founding Fathers is gonna be a bit more difficult. Noting that he still hasn't shown his birth certificate I can stretch things back to the 1940s, but to go from there all the way back to the 18th century I'm going to need some sort of time machine, or lapse in quantum physics. This might be Sniffy's only misstep, to be honest. Hey, Newton thought the rings around Saturn was Pecos Bill's lasso, so this shit happens from time to time with these kind of thinkers.
A DIFFERENT VIEW OF AMERICA
Summary: Obama thinks America sucks, then Sniffy and Willow hung out with some awesome patriots who also probably think Obama is a fucking asshole.
Awesome Sniffy quote: "He sees nothing unique in the American experience? Really? Our founding, and our founding mothers and fathers? Really? And our history over the past two and half centuries?"
Xmastime response: How could he? He's just another one in a long line of black presidents from Hawaii who was handed the keys to the kingdom and filled with the sense of entitlement that comes from not knowing your own father. Same. Old. Shit.
Signed,
XMASTIME
No comments:
Post a Comment