Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Well. Don't We Feel Stupid.

Hey, look at the number of American civilians killed by terrorism last year.

25.

Or, one might say, less than twice as many as will be killed by vending machines.

Which, to me, sounds like if we're spending a trillion bucks on fighting terrorism, we should be spending $500B on fighting vending machines. Do we even know what these fucking things do when nobody's around? I mean, I put in some change, and potato chips come out - the EXACT POTATO CHIPS I WANTED? Every time? Seems a little suspicious, doesn't it? If these things had arms they'd be fucking amazing on the monkey bars.

The point is, we need to fight them over there so they don't fight us here. We should have 6 armed guards at every machine, and I want a pretty, bright chart like the terrorism one. Maybe it reads:

TIMBEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
GO ON, STICK YOUR HAND IN THERE
OH, JUST TAKE THE GODDAM CHIPS
PRETZELS
I WOULDN'T EAT THOSE CHIPS

Obama needs to man up and do the right thing. Remember: we're all fat little shool girls with allowance money now.

Hmm. Your tombstone, indeed.

2 comments:

The Gnat said...

Incredible lack of logic there, but typical of your liberal kind. YORF!

Xmastime said...

well, its a bit of a Modest Proposal, but since you did not matriculate at Longwood UNIVERSITY, I wouldnt expect you to understandBA-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzing!!!!!! :)