Bodega Sammy

Earlier today I went to the bodega on the corner to order a sandwich. THERE WERE NO OTHER CUSTOMERS IN THE PLACE. This fact will prove to be important later on.

Anyway, I tell the guy I want turkey with American cheese on Jewish rye bread with lettuce, NO TOMATO, and mustard. The guy listens intently, nods his head emphatically and then springs to work. Instead of hovering over him I start wandering around the store looking at whatever, and then after a few minutes he yells that the sandwich is done, and I go to the counter to pay for it. It's in a brown bag, which the guy then puts in a plastic bag, so I can't really see the shape of the sandwich or anything, so I pay for it and bring it home without thinking a whole lot about it.

WHAT I ORDERED:
Turkey
American Cheese
Jewish Rye bread
Lettuce
NO TOMATO
Mustard

WHAT I GOT:
Ham
Swiss cheese
Roll
Lettuce
Tomato
Mayonnaise

Seriously, on one hand I laughed - the guy LITERALLY could not have gotten the thing more wrong if he tried. Other than the lettuce, which I'm sure just automatically shoots out of his palms like Spiderman with his webs anyway, he got everything about my sandwich EXACTLY WRONG. Like, Candid Camera wrong. And it's not like I got someone else's sandwich; there was no one esle there, and the guy putting it together took my order and took charge of it from the get-go.

On the other hand, it's somewhat admirable to me that this guy heard what I ordered, could not understand what I was saying at all and did not speak the language, and just decided fuck it, I'll just throw together whatever. Awesome.

But I believe I warned people years ago about ordering sandwiches:

“Lemme get turkey & american cheese on a roll with lettuce and mayonnaise.” (I’ve learned you have to say “mayonnaise”, if you say “mayo” they think you said “tomato”)

“No problem.” (sprints into it like he absolutely knows what he’s doing, you think you’re good, start to stroll around. But no.)

“Turkey?”
“yeah.”
“Turkey, swiss?”
”No, American”
“Turkey?”
“Turkey.”
“Lettuce tomato?”
“Just lettuce, no tomato.”
“No mayo”
“No no, no tomato. Lettuce, mayonnaise...turkey, American”
“Turkey american lettuce mayonnaise on hero”
“No no, on a roll”
“Salt and pepper?”
”Sure”
“On a roll?”
(head explodes)

On and on, EVERY fucking time. Every bodega, every dude, no matter where, happens every single time. And what kills me is the way they the jump into it right away, like they got what you said. I’d rather them ask 5 times to make sure, then start slicing. It’s like they watch your lips move, dive into the job and THEN start to wonder okay...what the hell am I making here?