I Am Suspicious

I'm tired of hot women always telling me how boring their lives are, that all of them are just lounging all alone on their couches, eating dry cereal in sweatpants. I think they're all bullshitting me, that they feel bad for me because they know that's WHAT I'M ACTUALLY DOING, while in reality they're all at rave parties surrounded by hard-bodied dudes oiled up in cocoa butter as everybody throws $10 bills around while eating baby egg rolls and dancing the watusi, all while shaking their heads "poor, poor Xmastime."

Has anybody actually seen a hot woman, sitting all by herself on the sofa stuffing her face in sweatpants?  I think there should be a Tumblr site with these women. One, it's a reason to look at hot women, and secondly, it would put my mind more at ease that their isn't some collective effort to keep everybody's exciting lives a secret because mine is so pathetic. Like back when I was a kid getting a haircut, I guess:

I'd wonder what went on over at some girl named Robin's shop, where all my rich friends got their hair cut. Sorry, styled. I'd picture over at Robin's there's a real-life Pizza Hut buffet set up while girls in pajamas would come over and dance along to J. Geil's "Centerfold", wildly applauding each snip of the scissors and spreading all the 5th grade gossip while dancing the watusi and eating baby egg rolls. Meanwhile I'm sitting for three hours listening to Field & Stream come to life during mudbogging season, each old cuss more ornery than the last re: what pussies the military has become, unlike when they were fighting the Japs outfitted with only some shoestring and the knowledge of the difference between right (us/jesus) and wrong (them/slant-eyed jesus.)