Bachmann

It's worth noting that a few hours before she gave the official Tea Party "response" to the SOTU, Michelle Bachmann gave a speech wherein she informed us that the Founding Fathers ended slavery. Wow, is here nothing these men we're determined to feteshize as perfect didn't do? Which one of them invented the iPhone? Was it that greatest of founding fathers that Bachmann cited, John Quincy Adams?

Of course, black people should be embarrassed after this latest history lesson from Bachmann - can you fucking believe that for about 80 years the slaves were actually free the whole time? They coulda just fucking left!! Does Bachmann prefer us to assume that the slaves, being black and therein dumber than white people, just simply didn't "get" that they were free? Or would she rather us assume that they DID hear the news, but were, in typical American Negro fashion, simply too lazy to go out and get a real job? "Fuck it, we get three hots and a cot here." The 19th century version of a black dude missing yet another job interview due to oversleeping, thanks to another all-nighter of drinking orange soda and being scared of dogs?

Actually, Bachmann presenting us with a part of history we can pretend never existed is a good precedent, since soon enough we'll be able to pretend Bachmann never fucking happened to us.