Doesn't Smell Like Teen Spirit to Me

Shit in Seattle is getting weirder:

Seattle police were called to a Capitol Hill apartment building earlier this week after a man came home to find a threesome screwing in his carport.

A police report says the man came home to his apartment building on 11th and Denny around 7:15pm, when he saw two half-naked women and a half-naked man in the carport next to his apartment.

The half-naked man was having sex with one of the women, while the other female was "naked and messing with the victim's scooter."

The victim confronted the three half-naked suspects, and the woman who was mid-coitus got angry, ripped down a cigarette ashtray attached to the apartment building, and threw it at the victim, striking him in the shoulder.

The woman then told the victim she was going to have her cousin shoot him. The report doesn't clearly indicate where the woman's cousin was during the altercation. But let your imagination run wild.

The half-naked woman on the scooter apologized to the victim for the other woman's actions—the report indicates the two women are sisters—and all three suspects left after getting dressed.

How could a dude get upset upon walking on this? Is this the same dude that blows the whistle on teachers fucking kids? How big a loser is this motherfucker? Were the women that ugly? Also, an ashtray attached to a building? What the fuck is that? And is "scooter" as used in "naked and messing with the victim's scooter" a euphemism?

Even more importantly, if you're reporting that some dude was caught having a threeway, YOU LEAD WITH THE FACT THAT THE WOMEN ARE SISTERS!!!!!  Not toss it in as an aside at the very end!  Wtf? What are they teaching in journalism school these fucking days?