Sweet Valley High is Back with Older, Bitter, Probably Man-Hating Shrews.

Those little blonde minxes from Sweet Valley High who were always "on the verge of losing their virginity" are all grown up now - one of them lives in Manhattan; I'm TOTALLY gonna hit that shit! - and are coming back with a new book, Sweet Valley Confidential.

Sweet Valley Confidential picks up a decade after Sweet Valley High left off. The once-inseparable sisters—mild-mannered Elizabeth, juxtaposed against the flirty, manipulative Jessica—are no longer students at Sweet Valley High, but grown up, and with adult problems like divorce, abusive husbands, and stolen lovers. Now 27, the girls are estranged—Jessica is living with her fiancé in the impeccably glossy Sweet Valley, California, while Elizabeth is on her own in a shoebox-size Manhattan apartment, working as a writer. The girls still look identical, down to the parts in their shoulder-length blond hair. The same themes are there, too—friendship, tension, boys, sex. But the gals have matured, or at least changed with the times: They now actually have sex and use Facebook. 

Gasp!  Facebook!

I'm guessing the odds of one of them leaking a sex tape are 100%.


I wonder if my beloved McGurk will come back too.  Now pushing 40, bald and fat with three ex-wives, he's a private dick with a bottle of crappy scotch in his desk drawer.