To My Fellow Riders on the G Train This Afternoon:

1) There is no "5 second rule" when food hits the subway platform.  When I was a kid I licked a shovel we used on a  horse farm for $10,* and there's no way in hell I'd eat something off the platform.  But lady, I'm touched you were fine stuffing that cupcake back in your kid's mouth.  You're doing him a favor, as the rat droppings will surely kill him before the slow, gruesome, non sex-having, churning of obesity will.

2) You cannot call what you're doing "freestyle rap" if what I hear you rap on the trip downtown is the exact same as what I hear you rap on the uptown ride an hour later.  That's not "freestyle," that's "reciting words you've memorized."






*in my defense, that's $15.88 in today's money.