The Mets open their season today. What's great about the Mets isn't only their historical collapses of the past few years, or their fans' utter indignation that they even be made to play a regular season at all and not just going straight to the World Series, despite not actually winning anything, along with the yearly braying by some Met player seconds after yet another shitty season has mercifully ended that they're "the team to beat!" for the next year, but that they've also demanded to be made to look like idiots off the field by not letting a few weeks go by without some foolishness in the clubhouse, lighting up the tabloids with head-shaking nonsense..
But so far, it's just all been at that level of great annoyance - in typical Mets fashion they're hovering JUUUUUUST close enough to TOTAL disaster without going over the edge, all while teasing their fans "hey, we had some bad luck last year, this year will be different, I swear, and hey, don't even worry about Santana being out, we have David Wright!!" The Met fan simply has not understood what I did before the 2007 season even started: I'm sorry, but you're just not that good. Yes, you came close to going to the World Series in 2006. Congrats. A lot of average teams do the same, and yet none of them assumes they'll automatically return ad nausem.
Look. You people are in for another dreadful, dreadful season. A long one. If you win 75 games, it'll be a miracle. Why not shoot past your foibles/collapses of recent years and REALLY give yourselves a season that will go down in the history books? And I don't mean sports history books, I mean HISTORY books. Something you can tell your kids you were there to witness, something you can proudly tell your grandchildren you were a part of.
But that extreme level of horrible decision making both on the field and off doesn't grow on trees, you know. You need to bring in somebody who can REALLY flush the team down the shitter - and hey, it'll not only be historical entertainment, but it will be cleansing, after which you can have a rebirth. FINALLY the Mets fan will be allowed to touch rock bottom, to realize the team just flat-out isn't that good, and only THEN can the long, slow process of getting back to being competitive may begin.
But “But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “what one man could possibly be so bereft of competence and tact so as to bring the team to such a stunningly awful level both on the field and in the tabloids? Surely no such man exists, right?"
He does. And, in the first stroke of good luck you've had in a while, he's already in New York.
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