Thanks For the Advice, Professor Asshole.

We've officially kicked off this summer's season of jerkoffs on the local news warning us that it's so hot we should simply stay inside with our air conditioners cranking.

As I said back when I was a young(er) buck:

3) With warm weather coming up I’m bracing myself for the inevitable advice we’ll get during the first heat wave: “Stay inside with the air conditoning on.” Really? Wow, thanks! Cause I was gonna cover myself in maple syrup, put on my heaviest wool sweater and spin in circles on the baking asphalt for a while. Thanks! Jesus fucking christ. “Stay inside with the ac on.” If I could do that, Professor, then I wouldn’t give 2 shits about the fucking heat, now would I? That’s like if I wanna be a millionaire, “Have a million dollars in the bank!” Thanks, assface.