Apparently E! thinks America hasn't been through enough already, so it's unloading a four hour airing of Kim Kardashian's wedding on us. Fucking christ. And unlike The Royal Wedding, I'm "pretty sure" this one will be loaded with pretend trashy drama.
- OH NO! Does the groom have cold feet???!! It's seconds before the ceremony is to kick off, and he's nowhere to be found!!
- OH NO!!! Is Kim's ass too big to fit in her wedding gown!! PANIC!!!!!!!!!!
- OH NO! Khloe ate the entire wedding cake!!
- And an ox!
- With a sprig of parsley!
- OH NO!! Is that Reggie Bush lurking about outside the church?!??!?!!
- 2.6 yards at a time?
- OH NO!! Did Bruce Jenner finally come to his senses, remembering he was an Olympic champion and was on the box of Wheaties? "What the hell am I doing with these crazy bitches?" and hang himself in the shower?
- OH NO!! Are the two younger sisters, of whom nobody knows either of their names or gives a shit, although the older one is going to be hot in three years while the other one had better be "fun!", trying to sneak into the booze at the reception??!!?
- No no, Kourtney's husband, "The Lush of Long Island Queers" has guzzled it all down
- OH NO!! "How did the paparazzi find out about this? I am outraged! Where'd the helicopter come from!?!? Oh that's right, we paid them to come!! Oh look, the two man-made objects you can see from outer space: the Great Wall of China, and Khloe!"
Fucking hell. I don't even have the energy for this horseshit.
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