Of Course I'd Still Hit It

Mrs. Xmastime Rachel Uchitel is glad her fiancé was crushed and burned to death at a young age:

Tiger Woods’ alpha mistress, Rachel Uchitel, said the 9/11 death of her former fiance, investment banker James Andrew O’Grady, was meant to be. “I believe Andy was meant to die because he was too good,” she tells Page Six Magazine, in The Post on Thursday. “I’m almost happy it ended the way it did because I’ve learned so many lessons from him. It would have been tragic if we got into fights and then divorced.” Had O’Grady lived, Uchitel believes her life would have been much different. “I would be a fat housewife with three kids in Sands Point, LI,” she tells the magazine.

What the fuck?  "Tragic"? Really? Granted, living on Long Island might suck, but she's comparing having an airplane crash into somebody with eating a few too many sleeves of Snackwells? Really?

And then there's this:

The toned and tanned Uchitel recently sold her Park Avenue apartment and plans to move to San Francisco with her boyfriend, Matt Hahn.

This motherfucker ain't getting much sleep after this, right? If I'm him I'm not starting up my car engine unless she's inside.  "No dear, you take a bite first."  Yikes.

Of course I've completely forgotten/don't give a shit about any of this now that this picture has popped up.