Monday, October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween
Does anyone know anyone who knows anyone who actually got the 'ol razor in the apple? Seems like if anyone pulled that on a kid he'd get busted - seriously, if some asshole tried to pass an apple off on you during trick or treating, you'd fucking remember who it was, no? And what kid came home, dumped out his bag of candy on the table and immediately reached over the piles of Snickers and candy corn to shove an APPLE into his mouth? Who's this Poindexter? I would think you'd eventually SEE a razor since by the time you had gorged on your loot the damn thing woulda rotted away. "Oh look, there's a razor in this apple."
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Why yes, Mr. Exorcist.
One cold dark Halloween night, after hitting up all of the houses in our own neighborhoods and those lining the dark back roads on the out-skirts of town, my siblings and I dragged our loaded sacks home and unloaded them on the table. Out rolled several McIntosh apples and upon close examination, my mother let out a gasp as she spied a very thin line at the base of an otherwise intact apple. We all watched in horror as she sliced into that apple and dug a shiny new razor blade. We were shocked, knowing that somewhere along the line this very apple was the source of a snicker as one sinister soul worked to embed that razor so deeply that detection to the naked eye would be nearly impossible. To think that it was then slipped into the sack by that same evil hand was the most disturbing thought.Of course no one in their right mind would bite into an apple from a strangers hand but lest we shrug it off mom made sure we understood how closely we have averted a gruesome tragedy. Mom had long before convinced her brood that there were folks out there who would kills us "for nothing and no reason at all" and THIS...this was clear evidence that evildoers were indeed lurking in our own backyards. It made us all very glad for the rule: ALL 'treats' brought into the household were inspected and left in her possession and every year it went that way. Sent out into the brutal cold to fetch treats, long after porch lights had gone out...often until midnight loading up our pillow cases. We'd turn it over to the controller for careful examination, after which sweets would be doled out for a day or two, and that would be the end of it. When asked she would remind us that it was all good. Fear the stranger...fear the treat.
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