When I get back from Pigfest 2011, I'm getting a goddam girlfriend. I'm clipping the nails, buying a clean shirt and turning on the charm. No, she doesn't hafta be my "soul mate" or some shit but enoughs enough. So look put bitches, here I come!
Okay, a misstep, but you get the idea.
11 comments:
No joke. Why not Match.com? All your self-deprecation and superiority if just a mask for fear of rejection.
You need to get out there. The company of a woman is awesome and sex with women is really fun.
http://www.match.com/search/searchSubmit.aspx?by=radius&lid=226&cl=1&gc=1&tr=2&lage=30&uage=42&ua=42&pc=11249&dist=1&po=0&oln=0&do=2&kw=georgia&q=man,women,30,42,3744183155&st=kws&pn=1&rn=4
(women between 30 and 42 within 1 mile of your zip code)
I like her
http://www.match.com/profile/showProfile.aspx?uid=i64HqLIttSoLCHLcfnh/cA==&handle=southernbelle_12&tp=S&pn=1&rn=4&do=2&lid=18
31 year old woman
New York, New York, United States
seeking men 26-33
within 50 miles of New York, New York, United States
Relationship: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: Definitely
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: Athletic and toned Height: 5'5" (165cms)
Faith: Christian / Other
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Social Drinker
Let me know and I'll set you up an account. We can fill out your profile together
It will be fun!
Trying to relive your dating heroics thru me, are we? I'm already on okcupid. Blech. I need to widen my circle of friends, stay out of bars. Mrs Xmastime will be found as The Fonz taught Richie: in the supermarket.
How many dates have we had on OKCupid?
This conversation is beginning to sound like the freshman year rah-rah speech you gave Red Lover re: Christy.
great advice never goes out of style, Pops!
I assume that is "no dates."
I took the liberty of writing a bio for you, and it is serious. Where there are _____s are because I don't know the information.
"I am a ___ year old white male who is heavy but not fat, a former member of the military (not a particularly successful stint, though honorable) and football player (successful, on the high school level). I am from the South (Virginia), transplanted to Brooklyn ___ years ago. I work at ____ and live [alone/with others] in ____________. I play in a band very occasionally, and though I cannot sing (really, not a lick), I insist on being lead singer. You can take that as a testament to my stubborn and determined nature or it may denote a little masochism. I have never been married, I have no children, though I have been a "Manny" to one for many years, and I just finished writing a book on just that subject, which I've recently sent to an [agent/publishing house]. It has been awhile since I have been in a relationship.
I do not smoke but I do drink, though I'm no Buchowski. I am disease free, and in fact have never had an STD, though I am occasionally plagued with Henry VIII's disease - gout.
I love popular culture, movies, tv, a wide variety of pop music, and I am an avid reader of history. I am a progressive liberal and actually do believe that most Republicans want to repress me. This makes me conflicted about Republicans, because while I abhor their values, I suspect I'm jealous they won't let me join their club (much like the Facebook guy in "The Social Network" - less the money).
I also have a blog, which is an outlet for my narcissism and need to write incessantly as a way to work things out in my head. The blog is here -- http://xmastime.blogspot.com/ -- and it is not daring so much as extreme in terms of musings on politics, sex, pop culture, sports, etc . . . It is me and it is not, in that, I do like to laugh and can be very politically incorrect, but I will not dwell on breasts, The Beatles, ballgames and belching to the exclusion of all else nor do I watch as much pornography as you might think if you read the blog.
I am looking for a nice, funny, smart woman who has similar interests, does not take herself deeply serious, has patience for someone who has been out of the game for awhile, and above all else, loves to laugh.
(and has big tits)
Joking. I kid.
dying!
No Joke. I'd date you if I read that. And it is pretty spot on.
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