I Don't Know Why I Haven't Found Mrs. Xmastime on Match.com Yet

Her profile:

Starting note-I'm NOT interested in guidos, guys who wear wifebeaters as actual shirts, guys over 32 (SERIOUSLY, DON'T CARE IF YOU LOOK 25, I DON'T WANT EMAILS FROM 40/50 YEAR OLDS), guys who use more hair product than me, guys that live on Long Island, guys that haven't graduated from college, guys that go tanning, and guys with lame names that incorporate words like "playa" or any Italian word like "Dolce" or "vida". Would I give you the time of day in a bar? No? Then I probably am not going to be interested in you from behind a computer screen. Just because I'm on match doesn't mean I don't still have eyes, and attraction is important. I'm pretty preppy, I do button down shirts, lacrosse, Nantucket, Jeeps and Dave Matthews. If you're looking for Snooki or your typical girl from LI with a bad accent, look elsewhere because it's not me.

What I sent her:

Recognize peep 48 year-old playah in da house str8 outta Ronkankama...I like getting my GTL on, my ma's pesto cavatappi, my ma's spaghetti alla chitarra, my ma's linguini Pappardelle, my ma's house (which I am right now calling my "home base") and getting enraged at a bar at some dude while pretending to be held back by someone else instead of actually fighting and then fuming for hours about what I woulda done to so & so if I had a chance.  I got my PhD from the School of Hard Knocks and spend the better part of most days with my hand on my coglioni, protecting my future 8 or 9 kids (those IROCs aren't gonna drive themselves).  I like a wide range of movies, including The Godfather, The Godfather II, the making of The Godfather, the Making of The Godfather II, Godfather IV, Goodfellas, the Making of Goodfellas, and I gets my smush on with Frank (duh.)  I'm just looking for a down-home girl who likes making pesto cavatappi, spaghetti alla chitarra, and linguini Pappardelle and likes taking trips back home to the motherland (LIVIN' ON A PRAYER, baybeeeeeee!!!)  Hit me back on my pager.