Past State of the Union Xmastime Greatness, I

My Shit I Want Obama To Bring Up in Tomorrow Night's SOTU Classic Series:

"Why the fuck does Xmastime's high school girlfriend still have his letter jacket?"

"Seriously, can we knock it off with all this faggot-ass sexy vampires shit already?"

"Get Jim out of this 'dual manager' crap and get him back playing pranks on Dwight. And seriously, how many fucking times can we do the ol' "oh no, we're downsizing/the branch is closing!' routine? What's next; the Professor having a plan to get off the island that is scuttled by Gilligan being a clumsy idiot?"

"And Mr. Springsteen: at each show, you can either do Mary's Place OR Waiting on a Sunny Day, but not both. For fuck's sake, people have jobs to get to in the morning, wrap the shit up already. Actually, they probably don't, so they for damn sure don't need TWO 'isn't life a big ol' party???!!!' songs in the show. Play Darkness tracks, remind them how bad shit can really be, and leave the "party!" cuts to Jimmy fucking Buffet for chrissake."