Peyton Manning

The whole Peyton Manning is being booted out of Indy so that they can save $24M and sign Andrew Lauck meme to me is laughable.  First of all, anyone over the age of 12 surely recalls that the Colts never won a goddam thing, ever.  They blew Super Bowl III to Joe Namath, won a Super Bowl in 1971 that was so shitty that a player from the losing team  was named MVP, and then were a fucking joke for the next three decades.  Remember how many times you saw the Colts on national tv? On MNF? Of course not - they never were.  Can anyone else remember not only a sports franchise, but a small fucking business even, switching towns in the middle of the night?  Sure, some life got breathed into them when Eric Dickerson was traded to them, but even then nobody gave a shit.  The Colt were the lovable losers with the funny history and ex-marching band, and that was that - Bert Jones was their franchise player, for fuck's sake.

Then along comes Peyton, and over 13 seasons gee, you know what he's done? Averaged 11 wins a game per year (12 if you don't count his rookie year.) His first year the Colts won 3 games and in his next year they won THIRFUCKINGTEEN!!!!!! and pretty much kept it up for a dozen years.  He misses this year and gee, they go from  setting an  NFL record for  consecutive playoff appearances (10) to winning two fucking games.  Gee, it's a mystery.

And now, after being a laughingstock for decades, we're led to believe the Colts might wanna let him loose to save $$$ and clear the way for Andrew Lauck.  First of all, $24M? Really? Gee, I wonder if Peyton has earned the Colts $24M in all his years with the Colts.  Gee. That's a mystery.

As for Andrew Lauck, why the fuck would you not want your quarterback of the future studying under the guy who is probably the greatest qb of all time?  Do you want him in the video room with Peyton for two years, or do you want him to be Mark Sanchez? Remember, Green Bay kept Aaron Rodgers on ice for a coupla years and Brett Favre was a dick to him, refusing to help him, and now they're just waiting for him to retire so they can put him in the Hall of Fame - can you imagine how good Andrew Lauck will be if Peyton Manning is 1/10th as accommodating?

On a final note, Jets fans...oh, you sweet, dumb, douchebags.  Why the FUCK would Peyton Manning wanna come to the Jets to play?  Your coach is a loudmouth asshole who has no interest in the offensive side of the ball, and the entire team is circus - ie, the exact opposite of "the Peyton Manning way."  Also, nothing is funnier than hearing Jets fans blather on the radio about how playing for New York will help Peyton's career via endorsements et al...HEY RETARD: Peyton Manning has been the most marketable athlete of the last decade while playing for Indianapolis!! As in, a city nobody's ever been to or gives a shit about!! And in a basketball state to boot!!!  He doesn't need New York for shit!

On a side note, the first Ole Miss game I ever went to was in 1996 was against Peyton's Tennessee Volunteers.  It was a "home game" for Ole Miss up at the Liberty Bowl; me and a coupla friends of mine rented a Winnebago and we hit the road.  Mostly, I remember chugging whiskey.  Walking into the stadium and feeling the gale of SEC wind smack me in the face, I heard a friend of mine say "Welcome to the SEC, dude" before cresting upon the mezzanine and seeing the entire stadium before me: 70,000 fans at an Ole Miss "home" game wearing orange #16 jerseys, losing their shit.  And that's pretty much how the game went.

Luckily, I had my bourbon with me.