Downton Abbey Thoughts, Since Nobody Asked

Matthew isn't gonna turn into Roderick Usher, is he?  Ooooh, he's ashen!!  The house is cursed!  BOO!  Does he have a dead, hot sister we can all poke on Facebook? (answer: probably)

I wanna strangle Bates and Anna.  "Were happy! We're sad!" Back and forth and back and forth and for fuck's sake, I'm now rooting for the dead wife to arise from the dead and club them both to a pulp with that leg-straightener thingee he threw into the lake.

Branson and Sybil too.  "I'm leaving! You can't stop me! Unless you politely present a list of rational reasons for me to stay! Oh, you did! Well, those are fine reasons! Then I'm back! Until next time I run away and you once again politely present a very rational list of reasons for me to stay!"

Thomas is the most interesting character of the moment. What will he do with his life now? LET ME GUESS: kill Carson, take over as butler, turns Downton Abbey into the hottest secret nightclub club in england (gives birth to the "rave"), comes to America and spends five years vying with Zack Morris for Kelly Kepowski's  glorious tittays  affections.

I gotta get some pictures of Lady Isobel from her youth; last night for the first time I realized she has a particular dental look for which when seen on a lady I reserve my highest of compliments: she looks like a big dumb fuck-bunny.  Kudos, My Lady.

Carson.  Calm the fuck down already, you're just handing over food to rich people.  Hardly worth almost having a heart attack every goddam episode. Take a lesson from Moseley and have a goddam Granthamtini every once in a while.  Country and family may be worth dying for; ensuring the shrimp fork is 3.25 inches from the plate is not.

Who gets a goddam royalty every time Daisy says "But I'm not a war widow, am I"?  Fucking hell, reminds me of when I found out my old girlfriend (she's 93) got a nickel everytime she said "just finish already!"

Am I the only dude in the world who'd bang Edith? Christ, last week she's throwing herself at some dude whose face had been blown up and looked like melted candle wax and HE'S like "well, only as a goof, and if you put a bag over your head." I'm really starting to question my eyesight.  I'm not saying I'd drag my dick a mile through broken glass to hit it, but camon. Ain't like she's Cameron Diaz, after all.

Are we supposed to feel bad for Lord Grantham because he's grown tired of siting around reading the daily newspaper while in a pretend Army uniform all day, every day? Hey, here's an idea, professor: YOU'RE RICH!!!!!  Go somewhere! Buy a fucking island, rent an elephant that performs cunnilingus on female clowns, whatthefuckever.  Jesus christ. Yes, the world is passing you by because you can't solve the "When Daffy saw Elmer's rifle he knew he was a _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ " in today's JUMBLE. For fuck's sake.

I can't believe it, but the Dowager is STILL funny.  I haven't seen anybody squeeze so much life out of a one-note act since Ava Devine in ASIAN BOFFO CREAMPIES, IV