Opportunity for Me

In today's world of pussy parenting in which everyone tells their children they're superstars merely for existing, I think I should hire myself out to to be an asshole to your kids. I'll teach them about "real life" so you don't have to - I will be honest about how crappy their school drawings are, boo them at their Little League games, and cut them off whenever they start to give their opinions: "shut up, nobody gives a shit." For an additional fee I will deliver the cruelest blow of all: "You know, I was your age once. Now look at me."