Timing

One of the "paid" interns over at guerretype got into the corn squeezins and accidently typed some words together:

im usually at the gate just before boarding. not something i stress about. but lately i worry ive begun to stress out the kids; waking them up in the morning now takes cold water and a fucking marching band so i let them sleep and watch the end of the show and go back into the apartment to grab something else for class and on and on until i say for the nth time Hurry, were gonna be late! i need to quit that shit before they become the type to arrive at airports 6 hours early.

I, as you know, am the complete opposite. I show up at the fucking bus two hours early, panicking that they'll say "oh, fuck it" and leave 120 minutes early for no apparent reason. And I'm the only mf even mildly concerned the bus will leave me at a rest stop, which never, ever happens:

...whenever I ride from NYC to DC, as we get near the Baltimore Travel Plaza the driver will ask if we wanna push through, or take a break. You can guess what the vote is. So he’ll say “okay, be back on the bus in 30 minutes.” I’m fuming cause we’re only an hour away, but these jackasses wanna stop for half a fucking hour. And then you know me – I think I have to be an Olympic sprinter, or I’ll be watching the bus pulling away. But I’m maybe starving, so I get off the bus, and it goes like this: SPRINT to Sbarro oh god, 3 people in line will take forever no time SPRINT to KFC fucking hell no time no time SPRINT to the vending machine and in a total panic buy purchase some Combos, of which I’m better off chewing on the back of the bus seat in front of me, SPRINT back to the bus and quickly find my seat, throw myself down in drenched in sweat and check the time and we only have…28 minutes left. Jesus Christ. But of course 30 minutes isn’t enough for these people, and it’s apparently against the laws of mechanical engineering for this bus to start moving again unless we’ve spent an extra 15 minutes waiting for people to wander back onto the bus, in absolutely no hurry at all. I’m clutching my fucking bag of Combos, keeping them in my jacket pocket so it doesn’t take up any space on the bus, and these people come back on the bus with three course meals fucking spread out.

And I assume if I show up at Mass later than twenty minutes early, God himself will smite me while the priest stands there shaking his head "is this motherfucker kidding me with this shit?"

I spent the entire 15-minute walk/sprint from my building to the Church in a panic that I'd be late; of course I got there 20 minutes early.  There were maybe 6 other people there, and the choir was practicing.  Not only did half of the congregation roll in with about a minute to spare, but the other half wandered in immediately AFTER the priest!!! Wtf?  I understand shit happens and you get caught scrambling in late, apologizing profusely - but these people obviously were standing around outside doing whatthefuckever until they saw the priest start the service and then decided "okay, now's a good time to grace everyone with our presence." And that was HALF the fucking people!  For fuck's sake, there's should be a lion at the door once the priest passes through i - if you still wanna try to enter you're welcome to try; otherwise, get your sorry, sweatpants-covered ass (JUICY, indeed) in a pew before Father Mike lights this fucking candle. Pitiful.

The point is, I can't remember what the fuck my point was. Hey, I'm in Virginia now.  We go at a slower pace.