I'll Toast to That

Soft butter. I don’t think I even knew this existed until I got a girlfriend and had dinner at her house. A stick of butter could not enter my house unless it was frozen solid as if hurled from a comet. And good luck actually spreading this shit on a piece of bread; after 3 seconds the bread would be shredded, and 99% of the butter was still piled high on one spot. Great. I remember trying tricks such as putting the butter on top of the toaster while I toasted my bread or shoving it up Raoul the stockboy’s ass from Sunnyside Grocery down the road. Zero luck. Although on a side note I did learn how to milk another man. Thanks, hard butter! - XMASTIME

My prayers have been answered!

(props for Xmastime superslice music to boot!) (the again...I guess they were answered with the invention of soft butter...decades ago...hmm.)