From 2007:
I see now that hurricane season is a 'comin, and will be a "special" one. Great. More 3-hour segments of watching Anderson Cooper standing in the rain. When the fuck did this start? Might've been kinda cool the first time years ago. "Oh wow, dude's gettin blown around. Cool." Now it's like hey, I fucking get it....it's a lot of rain and very windy. Got it. You can come inside now, dipshit. Do we need to see hours and hours of this shit? Is a shark gonna come flying by? At least make it interesting, have him sit there at a card table trying to play Monopoly. That's better than "...so yeah, I'm standing here...it's wet...ooohh, windy!....ahhh..." Or a contest with Death Row inmates - first one who can stand in the hurricane and wrap a Christmas present, you're free to go.
And don't get me started on these names they give these things...just saw a list of the names in the que for 2009....Ana? Bill? DANNY? We don't even call it "Daniel", we go for the boyish nickname, "Danny"? Why not "Poptop"?...GRACE??? Is "Serene" unavailable?...Larry. We're actually calling a hurricane Larry. Unreal. Oh, and Rose. Cause if there's a freakish hell-storm about to land on a city and demolish buildings and kill people, you wanna name it after a flower. Christ. Not really names that make me think "maybe I should get outta town for a while." Can we do someting about this? How bout instead of "Hurricane Claudette", we use "Hurricane Your ex-Wife Is Back in Town, Has Lost the 50lbs and Is Looking to Fuck the Phonebook", or "Hurricane What the...Which One of You called Me N---er?" Wouldn't these be a bit more intimidating? Camon.
But seriously, enough with the fucking footage. We know what a hurricane looks like. And we don't care.
Well. There are exceptions of course.
Here's me finally validated in 2012:
Some dude HERE on hurricane names.
The perceived toughness of a name really reflects nothing about the hurricane itself.Then he goes on to say some stupid shit, who the fuck knows what.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't you write the book on riffs about hurricane names?"
Sigh. Of COURSE I did!!!!
Here's Theodore laying it down in 2008:
So three years ago President Bush caught a lot of shit for responding so slowly to Hurricane Katrina. I guess nobody cares to remember that HELLO!!! He was ON VACATION!!!!!!
But this time he's doing the right thing, so can all you pussy crybaby liberals quit with your fucking crying already? Hey, so he fucked up last time. With this one he'll be 1 for 2 on devestating hurricane responses for his career...hey, guess what happens if you hit .500 in baseball? THEY PUT YOU IN THE HALL OF FAME!
In your FACE!!!!!
Rocking You Like a Hurricane,
THEODORE
More from 2007:
While down in Cape Hatteras this past week I noticed a high school whole team name was "The Hurricanes." Glib irreverance or taunting? Like a school in Kansas called "The Twisters", or an inner-city black school called "The White Voters." If there is a God, I would think eventually he'd notice this school and be like 'oh yeah? eff you!" and send in Hurricane....hurricane whatever; didn't I have a riff months back about hurricane names? Anyways. And yes, I now await the inevitable Catholic school sex abuse names.And Hurricane Irene, which never fucking happened:
MORE about how awesome I am:I'm Just Saying...
...Tuesday we had an earthquake, and now we're about to have a hurricane of historical proportions. I really don't know what else God has to do to get people to notice my new jeans. I mean, what the fuck, people?
And, of course, the poor Short BusThey're Finally Naming Hurricane Correctly
Okay, "Earl" has some heft to it in the scary department.
Of course it's no Ike, but still affective.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Short Bus Has to Try to Survive Hurricane Irene in a Tent Only a Few Miles from the Ocean; Even Worse, Apparently is Being Forced to Wear Socks with Crocs.
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