Daily News

Doing my first Daily News crossword puzzle in forever...which means, of course, you get to endure my previous thoughts on it. You're welcome, Earth!
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I don't know if I love doing the Daily News crossword puzzles every day for the sake of doing them or because I really, really love the way my pen sinks into that weirdly soft paper. Can you buy blank paper like that to write on?  Hmm.

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Dear Daily News Crossword Editor:

The correct clue to give for

SH__ __ O__

is "_________ was a bloodbath; 1500 men died in that half-acre known as..."The Hornet's Nest", not "A Civil War battle."  I mean, come the fuck on with that shit already. Get a clue OHMYGOD I totally just made that up!!!!!!!!!! 

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Dear Daily News Crossword Editor:

Answers in your puzzles need to be real words.  "Cee", as in "letter before D", is not a fucking word.  It's a sound.

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There is no moment worse than when you're doing a crossword puzzle on the train and the pen stops working.  And there's no greater joy than a few minutes later when it suddenly begins working again.

It's also a little thrill to finish both Daily News puzzles before you get home; one diminished by therein being forced to do the fucking Jumble (that scrambled word game for assholes!)

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Coupla days ago I sat down on the train and started working on my crossword puzzle. We're gliding along and then at a stop this ridiculously hot chick gets on and sits down right across from me. I tried not to ogle as I went back to my crossword. After a minute or so I realized oh shit, I hadn't filled in any letters, I wasn't writing anything. I panicked; instantly thinking shit, she KNOWS I'm just staring at the puzzle like a fucking idiot, she's thinking I'm a complete retard!! and this is the Daily News puzzle, it's not fucking rocket science. I desperately searched for a clue I would know the answer to. Nothing. And I know she's looking and I know that if only I could answer a bunch quickly, she'd realize I'm a genius, tear of her shiny purple blouse and I'd be all up in there. Then it dawns on me...she can't see WHAT I'm writing; she can only see THAT I'm writing!! So BAM!! I take my pen and just start writing, filling in squares with whatever letters or words I wanted; sometimes pausing briefly to act like I was thinking, then jotting it down. Brow furrowed. This is brilliant I chuckled to myself, wondering if she'll want our kids to go to private school. I could tell she was tres impressed as I kept "answering"; A C G G T T T E R and on.

Of course. She eventually got up, walked off the train without so much as looking at me. Prolly hadn't even known I was there in the first place, much less how I was doing at my fucking crossword. Ah well. Here's to quick thinking when it comes to chicks!

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