Herro, an Goobye

As you people know, many times throughout my years in Brooklyn I yakked about my times on the Fung Wah bus, so it was no surprise that pretty much the minute I moved down to VA they shut the fucker down.

So of course here's someone paying homage via "if Bob Dylan wrote a folk song about the Fung Wah."

To bring this back to me, I will now select my Top 10 Xmastime Lines about the Chinatown Bus, 2005-2012:

People used to make of me for going Greyhound to DC or Richmond instead of flying. Then I started taking the Chinatown bus, and they REALLY started making fun of me. 

I actually heard a Chinese girl behind me finish a sentence with “ding ding ding!” Ding ding ding? Are you kidding me? I turned around, I thought maybe I had won a prize. 

I am taking a break from my usual Fung Wah bus and luxuriating in a train ride to DC. On one hand I am slightly disorientated and intimidated by being closed in with so many white people eagerly reading the Wall Street Journal; on the other hand they just made an announcement asking that we please not put our tickets in our mouths, so I'm a little more relaxed now. 

I do know that the best seat on a Chinatown Bus is in the front. In my rookie days as a rider I instinctively went to the back of the bus to hide, before realizing this was the exact WRONG thing to do, since everyone gets on and then keeps on walking towards the back, hoping for that elusive, rarely-seen-in-nature open pair of seats so you ain't gotta share with anyone, which happens about as often as one of my nuts up and does an impression of the gheko from the GEICO commercials. Eventually they make it all the way to the back before realizing such a paradise does not exist, and of course they're not gonna walk all the way back to the front of the bus so they just say fuck it and plop down where they've stopped in the back. Ergo, I learned to sit closer to the front. 

There's nothing quite like trying to piss in a Chinatown bus bathroom to make one think "you know, maybe I really shoulda hit the books a little harder after all." 

Speaking of the Chinese, as usual I took the Chinatown bus down. I don’t know what it is they’re cooking up but I’m telling you, these people are up to something. I’m surrounded by them on their cell phones, screaming “ACH TUNG DOW!! TUNG DOW CHU CHU TUNG FOO DAH!!!!!!!” Jesus. A violent sounding language. MAYBE they’re saying “Plesse pick me up at the appropriate bus depot upon my arrival, say hello to Grandmama.” But they might also be saying “Damn right we’re blowing this shit up, starting with this fucking bus and Yellowstone. Free MY big swingin Tibet, Niggaaaaaazzz!!”