GRANTLAND points out that Elgin Baylor, who was Jordan 1.0, did actually win a ring, albeit a tad dubiously:
Beginning with the first game after Baylor's retirement announcement,
the Lakers won their next 33 — still the longest winning streak in
major pro sports history — then won the NBA title by beating the New
York Knicks in five games in the Finals. Baylor was given a ring despite
his absence from the playing roster.
Which means he should still be a candidate
for ending the drug war:
It just occurred to me to wonder what’s been the least effective over
the years: torture as an intelligence-gathering device, the War on
Drugs, or the LA Clippers. Let’s face it – all three have been
disastrously useless and costly. Some more than others, but all three
would have no problems being first-time honorees on Mount Suckmore.
As
a matter of fact, I think in the interest of “why not try, who the fuck
knows what’ll work since nothing else has?” we should simply rotate
whoever’s in charge of each program and see what happens. Elgin Baylor
has decades of experience throwing millions of dollars down a hole with
nary an inch of success, why not let him have a crack at the Drug War?
Hey, maybe basketball just never was Elgin’s “thing.” And whoever’s been
running the drug war, see what they can do with torture. Torture hasn’t
helped us win the Iraq War - it’s been a complete waste of time while
simultaneously coming at a great cost to us, which means those brilliant
generals who have been running the drug war will be able to fit right
in. Again we start out at ground zero, but you never know what a new
group of faces will think of when offered a new opportunity, right? And
the people in charge of torture taking over the Clippers is a
no-brainer; those fans have been tortured for so long already they’ll
just lay there and take anything you try with a smile on their faces,
right? And do you honestly think Dick Cheney a random CIA
agent couldn’t throw a dart at the phone book and make better draft
picks than Elgin ever did with the Clippers? Camon.
In all three
instances, there is no way to lose, is there? If each new agency in
charge continues to suck, so what? Who would even notice? But if one of
them cracks open the logjam of worthlessness just a little bit, wouldn’t
that be some shit?
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