Xmastime Classixxx

The Whitest Video Ever


The clothes. The dudes. The music itself. The dance "moves."

On a side note, it would almost be worth getting another girlfriend (“But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “you just had one 16 years ago!!") just to break up to this song, making it THE GREATEST BREAKUP OF ALLLLLLLLLLLLL TIME:

After her twin sister cleans up and leaves, gf tells me that's it, she doesn't wanna see me anymore. Sitting on the couch, stunned, the silence is broken by the sound of my voice, barely above a whisper:

Those times I waited for you seem so long ago

"What?" she asks, confused.

I wanted you far too much to ever let you go.

"Are you...are you saying something? What the hell?"

(Now slowly rising up, voice rising with me, still staring into her eyes, unblinking.)

You know you never got by "I feel it too", And I guess I never could stand to lose

"Wha - what the fuck are you doing?"

It's such a pity to say

Goodbye to you (left arm pointing straight at her, head bopping)
Goodbye to you (right arm out now)

"You're creeping me the fuck out, what the hell-"

(Now I'm floating and spinning in front of her, just like Patti Smyth in the video)

Could I have loved someone like the one I see in you

"Please, stop!  Stop it!"

I remember the good times baby now, and the bad times too  (shaking a "no no!" finger in her face)

"Well, I...I mean, I..."

These last few weeks of holding on, The days are dull, the nights are long 
(She can only stare open-mouthed now)

Guess it's better to say
(double knee slide right in front of her, really belting it out now)
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to you

(The next minute will be tough, nothing really happens in the song, but by then she is openly weeping, and has, upon seeing my performance, decided she's still in love with me and DOESN'T wanna break up.)

Now, could I have loved someone like the one I see in you
Yeah, I remember the good times baby now, and the bad times too

(Now she's joined me on the floor, on her knees, sobbing while holding onto my legs, begging me not to go, that we're in love forever)

These last few weeks of holding on
(I lightly take her head and pull her up to me)
The days are dull, the nights are long
(Tenderly lay a kiss on her cheek)
Guess it's better to say 

(long pause)

(still pausing)

Goodbye to you
(Pull out a piece of chocolate cake that was in my pocket and smush it into her face, smearing it all over while she looks aghast)

Goodbye to you

(I walk out)

THE GREATEST BREAKUP OF ALLLLLLLLLLLLL TIME!!!!!!!!