February 17 - Special 25th Year Edition!

Reprinted every fucking year, although this is the 25th-year anniversary of the event. Yaaaaay!)

First time I kissed my high school girlfriend was Feb 17, and the day I met my college girlfriend was Feb. 17. My first high school girlfriend kiss took place at a party after a basketball game – matter of fact the party was at Troy Allen’s, whose name later was legally changed to Troy “Circling Over Your Relationship Like a Buzzard, waiting for it to Die So I Can Swoop in and Fuck Your Girlfriend” Allen. You know those guys. 8 seconds after you break up he pops up outta nowhere and is all in her grill. Grrr. ANYways, I mustered up the gumption to ask her outside, to sit in Will Acree’s car to “talk.” So we get in the back seat and I…well, I start talking. And talking. And talking. I’m actually blathering on and on about the stupid game as she stares at me wondering if I dig dudes. Finally in the middle of one of my cleverly crafted anecdotes about the game I just lean in and POW! plant one on her. I lean back, thrilled outta my mind, awash in new teenage love and…well. Start talking again. Right in mid-sentence from where I had left off. Blah blah fucking blah “…and then Coach he leans over and says blah blah blah blah” Christ. Anyways I guess we made out some more, then went back in to the party. Me abuzz in my case of love, her…well, she probably had a buzz on. Also, February 17 here is ironic, since that's the day Michael Jordan was born. He of course played in Chicago, which is where the last girl I was in love with moved to. Ah yes. The sweet, horrible cycle of life.